Orgasm as a tool for deep relaxation & self love

We've had all types of Orgasms. The hungry to get to the climax, rushing to "get somewhere" orgasm I've been experiencing lately brought to my awareness that that is how I''ve been approaching all of life.

Missing the process and forgetting to indulge in the joy of the journey paying close attention to the nuances has become my MO. 

Sometimes, it can almost seem like another thing "to-do" when I am particularly disconnected from my body forgetting the full range of relaxation tools and life delights we have at our disposal. It is in these times I seem to only recall sugar and caffeine as tools. It rarely occurs to me to do 5 min of yoga, self massage, stretching, journaling, tapping, meditation or napping. There's always "NO TIME."  

Ironically, I also often speed up to do more in search of satiation when  it's more effective to stop, breathe, and be present. Tune in rather than speed past.

Funny, how the body finds space for breaks even when we forbid them. Severe sugar cravings, mindless trolling of the internet, memory loss, and anxious spinning takes the same 25 minutes or more that a blissful break would have.

This revelation became clear an afternoon when my to-do list was longer than my energy and anxiety had bandwidth for. I caught myself trying to satiate my inner ping pong ball with sugar, force tactics, and mean inner "pep talks," and finally 30 seconds of breathing and slowing down. It was during this breath work that I heard my body say. "I want to nap. I want a break. I want pleasure. I want to turn off." 

So I thought about what that would mean and what I could do to maximize pleasure and push the reset button. I decided that meditative masturbation followed by a pre-decided brief meditative nap would be the most lovely and needed healing tool I could employ.

         I challenge you to try this: Enjoy


Lie belly up in a comfortable position on your back, set a timer. Then masturbate paying particular attention to the nuances and sensation. It does not actually matter that you climax, just that it requires focus on the moment, attention to & regulation of breath, and a consistent low intensity.

If you have a system-override technique or speed setting that gets you there sooner, resist the temptation to push it. Practice staying present and just feeling the experience. Tap into your breath. See if you can allow the thought, "I deserve to feel good. This is a wonderful experience, we are blessed to have. The body is wonderful and I'm allowing this moment to be allotted to feeling good." If your brain likes to go to darker places to climax, resist for this exercise, This is not about reenacting or inviting shame, past trauma, power exchanges, or winning/getting somewhere.

This is about noticing a pleasurable experience, choosing a positive self love thought to align with in real time, staying very physically present, removing pressure or frustration, and practicing being and enjoying.

Then once you've played with flexing different muscles, noticing different sensations, flowing with the rolling pleasure of it all, invite permission to climax. Ideally, it will be  a slower, rolling experience that you can still retain awareness to observe. If it's a toe curling, everything tenses, lose momentary control, that is ok too. Sometimes toys can help control the speed & allow focus.

Once you've climaxed or decided the tightening & staying present exercise is complete, relax deeply into bed.

Melt into your pillow and place all focus onto your breath with specific thoughts on how much you deserve to rest, reboot, nourish, heal, and enjoy. Breath in cleansing oxygen slowly and deeply enjoying the blissful moment in full knowledge that it will fade and pass like all other good & bad things. Close your eyes and allow yourself to rest. You may fall asleep. You may just stay rhythmically focused on your deep expansive breathe in a state of relaxation.

This exercise is about choosing to rest, allowing breaks, giving permission for restorative pleasure. Sleeping is welcome, meditation is welcome, imagery is great. Go to a happy place where all you have to do it rest for the next 20 minutes. A meditative nap that will look a lot like a long post yoga savasana. Placing something over the eyes can be especially helpful and relaxing.

Let the body come to naturally trusting that the alarm will go off. Sometimes, it is the alarm that wakes us.


Wake feeling more refreshed, open, and deeply relaxed. If any anxiety starts to creep in, train your brain with the thought, "I am slowly getting better. I am learning the tools to take the best care of myself. I deserve to feel good. I am maximizing my productivity and pleasant experience with these ninja tricks. Then realize that you spent 33 minutes strengthening your immune system, resetting your autonomic nervous system back to the relaxed parasympathetic state where all healing occurs, lowered your fat storing and inflammatory inducing high cortisol levels, and regulated your Heart Rate Variability which is being studied for it's relationship to longevity. Not to mention given yourself the gift of calorie free, guilt free, physical pleasure. 

Then resume your tasks refreshed, calm, focused, from a place of self love, appropriate pace, and priorities. 

Video on just how bad STRESS really is & EXTRA MOTIVATION to PRIORITIZE REST

If this resonates with you, leave your comments below & tweet/share it. xoxo